A successful website fails quickly. Successful with high volumes of visitors. Failure in performance under load. Lots of marketing money and energy wasted.

Web Performance (fast response) is important - 46% of people abandon sites because of slow load times.

If load testing and performance engineering was easy, my boss wouldn't have hired a geek like me. A swimsuit model would have gotten my job.

Google found that an extra 500ms in latency cost them 20% of their search traffic.

If you give someone a web application, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to code a web application, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.

A load tester learns more from one HTTP status codes of 500 than from 1 billion status codes of 200.

Nothing can stop the load tester with the right mental attitude...nothing on earth can help the load tester with the wrong attitude.

Excuses are for the weak. Apathy is for the lazy. Action is for the motivated. Results are for the determined load testers.

The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you are an artist. Performance engineers aren't understood either, but they are more scientist than artist.

Unix is user-friendly. It’s just very selective about who its friends are.

SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.

A load testing tool lets someone make mistakes faster than any invention in history, with the possible exception of handguns & tequila.

All the biggest tech inventions of man (e.g. computer) say little about his intelligence & speaks volumes about his laziness.

To go forward, you must backup.